Monday, November 17, 2014

The Worst Year of My Student Life – Part 2

Why was I so stupid?

In the eighth grade, I joined a prep school to prepare for a national entrance exam on engineering. I did not seem to understand a lot in class. I tried convincing myself, that if I focused more in the next class, I would do better. But I did not understand anything in the next class as well. But this time I was listening in class. Why didn’t I understand it? Why was I so stupid?

I did not know what was wrong with me. I felt so frustrated on some days. I would get up in the morning hoping that this day would be a little different. But I would come home dejected every single day.

I am embarrassed. I can’t accept the fact that I do not understand anything.

I felt like I was a fighter. My parents were using their savings to pay for this program. I could not let them down. Even after failing several times, I tried believing that if I put in more of an effort, things would change. I would go home and read all the material provided. I would use the internet and do extra research. But these sums were just too complex, for me to get anything off the internet to solve them. I had no understanding of the basics of the subject and was too embarrassed to tell somebody to sit down and teach me the basics.

It is like not knowing the alphabet in the seventh grade, when they are teaching you a sonnet by Shakespeare?

But the sums needed actual application of knowledge. I was a rote learner. I could not apply my knowledge anywhere. That is like asking a fish to fly. But the education system told me I was a good student for so many years. Why am I a bad student now?

Soon all the failed attempts started affecting me. For the next  two semesters, every day was a struggle. I could not even explain my problem, to my parents. I was the good student in their eyes.

The morning walk to my school bus every morning, was such an effort. I was scared the professors at school would embarrass me again. I was scared my classmates would mock me. I was scared, I would not live up to my parent’s expectations. I had nowhere to go and no one to speak to. I was lonely and afraid.

Everyone Gets Lonely

This was when I realized how lonely being at school and being a teenager can be. Though there are people around you, there is no one that is actually listening to you and asking you what you really need. People think students do not have problems to go through. But they are wrong because even students face some serious issues.

By the end of the eighth grade, after lots of failed tests and unanswered questions, I had lost my spirit. The eighth grade had come to an end and so did one of the most horrible years of my student life.

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